about eating disorders

todays thinspo: zui suicide

i have got even more angry comments on the photo diary today and he/she/they are mad at me fore some reason. maybe because i cant be serious, maybe because of my love for pro ana. they are saying i am a hypocrite who wants everyone to love themselves and at the same time i post pics of skinny nicole richies.
what ever happened to self irony? you have to be able to laugh at things, otherwise life is not wort living! why does everyone have to take me so seriously?

my relation to eating disorders and food is complicated. why not sit back for a moment and enjoy my life history in a pro ana perspective?
i grew up being bullied because i was fat. thing is, when i look at pictures of myself in for example 3rd grade, i am not fat at all. i was weird, but fat -no.
in highschool i was depressed and cutting my arms for relief, and got help at bup where i for 4 years learned how to be a happy non-judging and more chill person.
when i stopped the cutting i went down into an eating disorder which varied a bit in disturbed-ness. i lost twenty kilos in two months, got sadder and sadder for every kilo i lost, it did not make me happy as i thought it would.
i got to a turning point when i started wonder if this was how my life was going to be, and since i could not picture myself as a binging purging 40year old lady, i decided to get out of the eating disorders, whatever it would take.
nowadays, when i get sad, i dont actually get sad, instead i start thinking about exercise, calories and weightloss which is much easier to focus on than the real problems.

important: i am a person who can laugh at myself. that is why i can laugh at emos, sadness, anorexia and so on, because i have beent here and it is myself i laugh at, not the poor skeletongirls at the ED-clinics. maybe i make clumsy comments/put up wrong pictures that hurt people and make them angry at me, but thats how i am.

and i am fabolous. we all are.
eating disordered or not.